Archives for category: family

They’re Coming to America

July 10, 2007 //

While we don’t want to overschedule our daughter, we have signed her up for a couple of fun activities this summer. She will be a part of our church’s VBS, of course, and a really cool day camp at SeaWorld later this summer — but today marked the beginning of this fun season. My wife and I tried to play it cool as we dropped her off this morning for the start of her two-week day camp (it’s still harder on us than it is for our daughter).

We like to interact with our daughter’s teachers. As people who have been involved in youth & children’s ministries for awhile now, we value the participation and input of parents. When we returned to pick up our daughter, the main teacher (out of three) greeted us with a big smile and said that our daughter had done really well. I was relieved to hear this; some of the older kids in the Pre/K group at church are pretty mean, and it has kind of given our daughter a complex about making friends. She is still a very friendly & outgoing kid, but this stress about not being able to make friends surfaces from time to time — resulting in huge heartache & frustration for us. A quick aside: if you find time to pray for us, this is the one thing that is constantly on my mind. My sincere thanks.

My relief was short-lived, though, as the teacher completed her thought. It went something like this: Your daughter did really well… I mean, her English is pretty good. It took me a second to realize what she had said. We explained that English is actually our daughter’s first language, because she was born here. The second teacher followed this up with, “Where are you from?” With wide-eyed disbelief, my wife responded, “Well, we’ve lived here in the States our whole lives, but our parents are from Korea.” The main teacher tried to brush it off with, “Oh, I could tell you were pretty Americanized, since your daughter brought pizza for lunch. Some kids bring those Hello Kitty lunchboxes with sushi, you know.”

A couple of caveats: I realize that they probably meant no harm. I’m sure they’re nice and all; just a little bit ignorant. I also realize that they probably don’t deal with many non-white people. This neck of the woods can be a little bit like that. I also understand that this is the world in which my daughter will be living for the rest of her life — I can’t shield her from ignorance forever.

Nonetheless, I am still extremely frustrated. This line of questioning — “Where are you from?” — reinforces the idea that of course we’re not from here. I mean, how could these Asian-looking faces be American, like the rest of us? Now, don’t get me wrong — I don’t want my daughter to assimilate, to feel like she has to run from her Asian-ness or push it aside for the sake of fitting in. Later, if one of her well-meaning white friends says to her, “I don’t even think of you as being Asian,” I don’t want her to take it as a compliment. I want her to be very confident in who God made her to be. While alienation and self-hatred has been the unfortunate story for many Asian American youth, I don’t believe that it must be part of the equation — and I am hoping & praying that my daughter can be spared as much of this heartache as possible. So, when her teacher asks her, “Where are you from?” and thinks it is really funny when she responds, “San Diego,” perhaps you can see why that would bother me.

On a personal level, I am really praying that I would have a thicker skin about things. Sometimes, the intensity of my emotional reaction to these kinds of situations precludes any kind of reasonable, constructive, or appropriate response. I don’t want to live with some kind of chip on my shoulder — I don’t want to give ignorant people that kind of control over my life. And, in all honesty, I think I have been better able to handle these kinds of things — at least when they deal directly with me.

For example, I am usually pretty patient with older Caucasian people who ask, “Where are you from?” just because they come from another world (these teachers from today, however, are not old at all — thus compounding my frustration). I can very politely tell these people that I think I know what they’re asking, but that it is actually pretty rude to ask in that manner (and, if they ask why it is rude, I will explain the whole alienation deal to them). I’m not sure why our racial ethnic background matters so much to some Caucasian people — I don’t often hear them asking each other, Are you German? Irish? Dutch? If one must know, then it is marginally better to ask, “Where are your parents from?” although this still carries much of the same outsider-connotation with it. Probably, it’s best simply to ask the question directly: What is your ethnic background or heritage?

However, when it comes to my daughter, my father-bear instincts kick in big time. I held back today because I don’t want to bias these teachers against my daughter just because they might perceive me as being some uppity Asian person.

Despite protests to the contrary, ignorant and racist attitudes persist today as systemic and institutional issues.

Remember the Skit Guys controversy from a little while back? I don’t mean to dredge up the past — certainly, the response of Youth Specialties, Marko, and the Skit Guys themselves showed that something good could come out of a bad situation. But, judging from the response of many people both at Marko’s and the Skit Guys’ blogs, we still have a long, long way to go. Some highlights:

Part of humor is laughing at ourselves. I hope we don’t become so sensitive that you guys can’t even minister. You guys characterize pastors, janitors, deacons, blondes, Christians, girls, boys…and all of those on purpose. And I love it! Is an Asian character not supposed to speak with an Asian dialect? I have not read the skit, but…at this rate you’ll be writing more apologies than skits.

Well, I have read the original skit and, though it might be pointless to try to help this person understand the underlying issues here, there is a world of difference between poking fun at a Caucasian pastor/janitor/blonde, etc. and laughing at the Engrish-speaking “oriental” buffoon, who clearly is not from here and does not, and could never, belong.

Or how about this little gem:

I pray that you don’t let this discourage you because in today’s society everyone is offended about something. God has truly blessed you two with the gift of ministry through comedy. I have seen you 3 times at the International Church of God Youth Conventions and you were awesome. Just remember that satan will use anything or anyone he can to try to keep us from glorifying God and spreading his Word. Just keep doing what you are doing….showing the love, mercy and grace of our Lord, Jesus Christ through the gift of christian comedy that he has given you!!!

Right, right… now I see — It’s the fault of uppity people of color that they are offended by blatant, degrading racial stereotyping. And speaking out for justice is obviously satanic. Our God (the same One who said, “Let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream” and commanded His people, “You shall not oppress a stranger, since you yourselves know the feelings of a stranger, for you also were strangers in the land of Egypt”) would clearly not approve of this.

I’m really hoping this works out.

Categories asian american, community, family, frustration, race, second-generation, sigh

A Very Happy Father’s Day

June 21, 2007 //

I have no hard data on this, but I would imagine that many people whose vocation is found in church ministry are pulling for more Tuesday holidays. Sundays are no Sabbath at all for most church workers, and many of us have Mondays off anyways :)

We didn’t really have a chance to celebrate Father’s Day this Sunday, what with running around like crazy people for the better part of the morning & afternoon at church, and then driving up to OC to my father-in-law’s place in the evening. So we decided to have our celebration on Monday instead.

After my interesting Mexican adventure, we decided to go to SeaWorld. We are season pass holders there. This is one of the benefits of living in SD: for most of the year, if you purchase a regular ticket at SeaWorld, you automatically become a season pass holder.

My daughter really wanted to take me to the tide pool there, which she recently discovered. There, children of all ages can pick up various starfish, conch and sea urchin. My daughter described the starfish as feeling “orange.” I wonder if that is anything like feeling Minnesota. We also took a fun Sky Ride around Mission Bay. Our daughter is quite a thrill seeker — our gondola lurched forward upon take off and immediately both her arms went straight in the air and she let out a heartfelt, “Woooo!” We pointed out the jet skiiers in the bay to her and told her one day we would ride together. She responded right away by shaking her head and saying, “No, I want to ride by myself!”

We took in the new Shamu show, “Believe.” It is quite a fantastic production, although I think they’re trying a little too hard to push the audience’s emotional buttons. For me, the best part was the four-piece moving video screen. As a wannabe tech nerd, it had me oohing and ahhing throughout the entire show. Sometimes the four images would be independent; sometimes they would move together to form one larger image. They could also rotate to show images from a landscape or portrait perspective as well. Like I said, I was nerding out over them.

We were also able to feed the dolphins. For some strange reason, one of my great dreams is to hug a dolphin. And a panda bear. We were able to go right up to the water’s edge and toss some little fish to the dolphins. They came right up to us and we were able to touch their foreheads. They feel, as many children have described during the big dolphin show there, kind of like hot dogs. What a joy!

We also went to play a couple of the carnival games there. The one game at which I consistently win (unless I get too cocky about it) is the tilted basket toss. I was able to win a small SpongeBob doll for my daughter there. But on Monday, I was able to toss a softball into a milk jug for the first time. My daughter had the choice of a huge dog, penguin or bear. She chose the large green care bear type creature.

Is there any greater feeling for a dad than seeing his daughter reeling under weight of the massive toy he has just won for her? Here she is, on the verge of collapsing under the weight of her victorious bounty. She also won a large dolphin on her own (kind of) by winning a water shooting contest against her dad. It was definitely a very happy Father’s Day!

Categories family, health, hooray!, just grinning

Unexpected God-Moments

May 17, 2007 //

Our family went for a quick day trip to La Jolla the other day — a lovely town just north of San Diego proper (and pronounced “La Hoya” in case you ever need to say it). There are some swanky shops in the downtown area (where we purchased our first Blik wall decals); but we were there for the beaches. We started at the cove, but the rising tide quickly sent us over toward the tide pools. Our daughter enjoyed seeing a couple of little fish skittering around the tide pools, but spent most of her time making “chalk” drawings in the loose sand. Finally, we ended up at the Children’s Pool — an area of the beach partially protected by a seawall that was originally, as its name suggests, a children’s swimming area but is currently a protected area for seals and sea lions.

We were able to get a closeup view of some seals (which, we learned at SeaWorld, can be distinguished from sea lions because they do not have obvious ear flaps) from down on the beach. None of them followed us home, but we had a pretty great view. The seal in the center looked a little bit stressed out by all the onlookers, so we didn’t hang out for long — but look closely at the seal lying on its back to the center-left of the photo. It is the picture of relaxation — just lying around, grinning. Certainly put a smile on my face.

Though the moments often feel few and far between, I love those unexpected God-moments that put a smile on my face. I was able to have coffee this week with a student who has been coming out to our church for the past several weeks. He comes from a Buddhist background but is earnestly seeking truth. For over two hours, I heard a little bit of his life story — the enormous pressure his extended family has put on him, the brokenness of his family relationships, his sincere search for truth and meaning. He listened intently as I shared with him about God’s enormous, incomprehensible love for people, why Jesus died on the cross for us and what that means for our lives. I love it when God surprises me, breaking through my hard-hearted cynicism about sharing the Gospel.

Categories environment, family, just grinning, ministry

Caring for Creation

May 12, 2007 //

Over the past couple of years, I have written a handful of articles for the online edition of Relevant magazine (you can find them archived on the sidebar under “My Writing). As their tagline suggests, the articles are categorized under the headings of God, Life and Progressive Culture. One might find articles from established authors such as Scot McKnight and Doug Paggitt alongside many other, lesser-known voices. Some articles come and go quickly and quietly, while others (which, for example, might be based on misquoting a famous rock star) generate some boisterous discussion.

One recent article about the environment caused a bit of a stir among some readers. While some might not have understood the format (“You can’t write a letter to the environment, you idol-worshiper!”), the most off-putting objections created a false dichotomy between being a good steward of God’s creation and sharing the Gospel with non-Christians. In a stunning display of logic, one commenter argues that caring for the environment is a slippery slope, inevitably leading to acceptance of homosexuality and abortion. Interestingly enough, this commenter also claims that creation care is a political, not kingdom, agenda — though this person’s politics are readily evident.

I recently completed Serve God, Save the Planet by J. Matthew Sleeth — it’s featured on my “Currently Enjoying” page. Sleeth does much to dispel the myth that people who care for creation must be mother earth-worshiping pagans. Just the opposite — for those of us who love Jesus and take seriously His command to love God and others whole-heartedly, we are compelled to care for His creation. As the title implies, the greatest command is to love and serve God — but we must recognize that responsible living and creation care are expressions of deep, genuine love for God.

Sleeth argues that living an environmentally responsible lifestyle is a biblical mandate. He warns us not to equate “dominion” over the earth’s resources as a license for wastefulness or greed. Far too many Christians have justified their harmful lifestyles with faulty theology. Picture the Bible-belt businessman who was caught dumping toxins into the water from which local residents drew their drinking water. His response? Well, Jesus is coming back anyways, so what does it matter if we trash the place?

For those who worry about elevating the care of creation over care for human beings, Sleeth writes, “Being pro-stewardship is not a case of valuing forests more than people; rather, it means valuing human possessions less, and God’s world more.” Indeed, if we genuinely want to love our neighbors as ourselves, then we must be conscious of how our lifestyles affect them — especially the poorest among the world’s poor. Sleeth writes from his personal experience:

This honest inventory (a personal assessment of the environmental impact made by his family) is what the Christian faith required of me. How could I say that I was being a good steward when I was causing so much damage to God’s creation? How could I say that I cared about my neighbor when the poorest people are most affected by the climate change that I was causing?

In essence, caring for creation and being a goods steward is part of our response to the central command to love God with everything we have and to love others in the same way. We love God by caring for what He has created and partnering with Him in its stewardship. We love others by recognizing that our lifestyles have a direct impact on them. Even for those who argue that a Christian’s only responsibility is to share the words of the Gospel with others, we cannot witness to people if they have already been killed because of the climate change, drought or famine that was dropped on them.

This has been a slow process of small changes in my life. For example, my wife pointed out to me early in our marriage that I would let the water run the entire time while I brushed my teeth and washed the dishes. I shudder to think of how much water I have wasted in my lifetime, especially given how limited access to clean water is in many parts of the world. So now, I shut off the water while brushing or washing dishes. Recently, we have begun trying to drive our cars less. In Southern California, it would not be uncommon for a person to drive down the block to see a friend instead of walking. So these days, if I need to pick up a coffee while I’m at church, I will take the ten-minute walk instead of the thirty-second drive.

One of the things I am very excited about is the CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) we just signed up for. Through the Tierra Miguel Foundation, we will be picking up about fifteen pounds of fresh produce every two weeks for less than $17.00 a week. In this age of mass production of food, we are glad to be able to support a local farm. The food is organically grown using environmentally-sound principles, so it is good for the earth. And it is locally grown, so it reduces the negative impact of shipping food across long distances (exhaust from the long-haul trucks, wasteful packaging, etc.).

We might take our daughter to visit the farm during one of their volunteer days. Although learning about creation care can be a bit stressful for her at times, we want her to develop a God-centered perspective early (which is not easy in our princess-obsessed culture for little ones). After all, it makes more sense to start with simple living rather than trying to combat years of having a materialistic perspective.

I have been encouraged and challenged by the many communities who have seen that creation care is an integral part of God’s message of redemption for the entire world. I hope this thread also runs through my life and the communities of which God calls me to be a part.

Categories books, emerging church, environment, family, health, hope, reviews, stewardship

Are We There Yet?

April 24, 2007 //

In a furious attempt to lure buyers into the showroom, along with the usual bells & whistles (“Zero percent APR! Bonus cash back allowance! And then we’re going to Washington DC to take back the White House! Byaaaah!“) one of the Big Three American auto manufacturers recently introduced an added twist — if consumers would please just purchase one of their minivans, they will provide a drop-down DVD player free of charge.

This particular incentive package has a series of television ads, each with a similar theme. The scene opens with a group of unruly tweens, rough-housing and MySpacing it up with no regard for the adult authorities in their presence. That is, until the adult figure drops down the screen of a DVD player. Then, silence — blessed silence. The underlying message is clear and, just in case you missed it, the disembodied voiceover asks the rhetorical question all beleaguered adults were asking themselves as they watched the ad: Wouldn’t it be great if you had a DVD player everywhere you went?

The next, unspoken, message is just as clear — that way, you can get those kids to shut up already.

In fact, one of the ads features another disturbing voiceover: When they get what they want, you get what you want. In other words, children want/need the pervasive presence of entertainment to invade every moment of their lives. In exchange for numbing their minds into silence, we — the adults — get what we want: for those kids to stop being such an inconvenience, what with their talking and all.

Our family has used a portable DVD player during a couple of extended road trips — during the course of a five or six hour ride, we thought it would be a fun treat for our daughter to watch a couple of her favorite shows. But there is something troubling about the family who cannot endure even a ten minute ride to soccer practice without the anesthetic of DVDs. And, coming soon to an SUV near you, satellite TV…

I often deal with frustrated, heart-broken parents who have thrown up their hands in despair because of their distant, disconnected teenagers. Certainly, there are always unique and specific circumstances surrounding each family’s relational dynamics but, more often than not, the relationship patterns teenagers develop with their families are formed well before they reach their teen years. We can unknowingly form all kinds of unintended messages in our children’s minds: You must constantly be entertained. Silence is bad. Car rides are for SpongeBob, not conversations. We can only put up with each other if we’re not really engaged with each other.

I know I’m probably reading into this way too much, but having been a marketing major in college, I have some idea of the time, effort and money that companies pour into these ads. Whether the people who created these ads thought they were simply reflecting the attitudes of adults/parents out there (“We’re just giving them what they want”) or whether they’re trying to actively shape our opinions (“Let’s create a felt need in this consumer segment”), the underlying message is extremely sad.

Categories family, health