Archives for category: communication

Broadcasters: Please Use A Thesaurus

January 10, 2008 //

Last week, one of the announcers for the Golf Channel stated on air that younger players, in order to combat his dominance over the sport, should take Tiger Woods into a back alley and lynch him.

Apparently, the announcer has apologized publicly on air and privately in a conversation with Woods and Woods’ agent calls the whole matter a “non-issue.”

After last year’s commotion over Dom Imus (who, incidentally, is back on the air in New York) and his derogatory racial & gender attack on the women’s basketball team of Rutgers, one might imagine on air personalities being a bit more careful in their choice of words.

This Golf Channel announcer may not be a racist (though I have my doubts about that — this particular kind of language doesn’t fall out of the sky) but she has made herself and the Golf Channel look like an amateur production. It is, after all, part of the job description for on air personalities to be able to think on their feet and find words that are not loaded with the historical weight of racial oppression, violence and death.

For example, the announcer could have said: Those young guys need to give Tiger the ol’ smackdown or The only way they’ll stop Tiger is if he is abducted by aliens. Or, she could have skipped the whole “no, really, I am funny” routine and simply said that, in order for these players to achieve Tiger’s level of dominance, they need to put in a whole lot more practice.

Categories boo!, communication, controversy, race, reconciliation

New Friends (And They’re Not Imaginary!)

January 5, 2008 //

Like Eugene Cho, 2007 was my first year of really engaging the blogosphere (however, unlike Eugene, I do not regularly generate 200+ comments. Dat mange iz populerz like da kittyz!). In many ways, blogging has been a kind of spiritual discipline for me — though not nearly as awesome as Bruce Reyes-Chow’s take on blogging as spiritual discipline (Reyes-Chow in 2008!) and a way to get my head around different things, not to mention a forum for my inner music-nerd’s need to make lists.

One of the best, and most surprising, parts of this bloggy year has been making friends — actual friends with whom I have shared an inner resonance about life, ministry, music and community. Although I still worry that it sounds totally wrong when I say it, I am glad to have met several friends this past year through the internet. I have also been very glad to re-connect with several old friends via Facebook, potential scourge of humanity and harbinger of the apocalypse but wonderful host to online Scrabble and Tetris competitions. I missed the whole MySpace thing (most pages leave me feeling on the verge of a seizure) but FB has been a great way to catch up with friends from all over the country I haven’t heard from in years.

Yesterday, I met up with Jason Evans for lunch at Sipz (vegetarian food even a total meat-eater like myself can enjoy). While it was his impeccable taste in music (Battles! Old school San Diego noise punk bands! Hooray!!) that initially set off our email communications, I really enjoyed hearing about Jason’s intentional community and how God might be leading him & his family in the future. I find great encouragement listening to the stories of those for whom the Gospel encompasses all of life — for me, that’s what missional living is all about.

My wife was teasing me because I was all excited to have a friend with whom to attend concerts now!

Categories communication, community, family, health, missional, music

Checking In At The Smackdown Hotel

December 20, 2007 //

Like the opening of the floodgates at your local big box retailer on Black Friday or the simultaneous release of film twins (Volcano + Dante’s Peak, Armageddon + Deep Impact, etc.), boisterous criticism from prominent Christians against other Christians seems to come in waves. As if according to some invisible timer, charges of being a universalist/false teacher/heretic/Lions fan are tossed around with great volume and passion on a somewhat predictable basis.

Like many of us, I am completely put off by the tone of these kinds of attacks. While many of these voices claim that they are simply “defending” the truth or “contending” for the Gospel, it usually just feels like name-calling and finger-pointing.

However, what really stands out to me is the exuberance with which the rank-and-file of these folks jump in, especially in the blogosphere. It’s strangely reminiscent of how rasslin’ crowds would eagerly finish Dwayne Johnson’s catchphrases. But instead of singing along with If you can smell-la-la-la… what the Rock is cooking! they finish accusations of Heretic! and Arrogant mocker! with a chorus of Thus saith the Lord (or was it ‘Cuz Stone Cold said so?).

While both of these approaches are remarkably effective at galvanizing a particular constituency, only one is the most electrifying.

* * * * *

Here’s something we can all agree on: Rodney Mullen is rad!

Categories church, communication, community, controversy, emerging church, faith, sigh

How To Apologize Sincerely

December 18, 2007 //

Earlier this week, we were up in the LA ~~wasteland~~ area and I was reminded of how much I really, really dislike driving there (I’m trying to refrain from saying that I hate it because, as we’ve been teaching our daughter, that’s a very strong word — but, seriously, I was on the verge of losing it completely the whole time we were driving around). One thing I do miss, though, is Air Talk with Larry Mantle on KPCC, the local NPR station up there. Larry Mantle is a great interviewer but, like Cinderella shrilled, you don’t know what you got ’till it’s gone.

Here in SD, I have tried to supplant my morning Mantle with These Days on KPBS, hosted by Tom Fudge — with mixed results. I’m not saying anything bad about Fudge — I mean, the man bikes to work (and survived a scary accident after being hit by a car while biking to work one morning); I think I was just used to Larry Mantle’s banter and rhythm.

I did hear a really interesting topic recently on These Days: “Apologies: Do Them Meaningfully and Gracefully Accept Them.” Politicians are infamous for non-apologies. Think, Mistakes were made, “We” made mistakes or If I did anything wrong… One guest, Dr. Bruce Weinstein, points out that the classic non-apology, “I’m sorry if you were offended” is actually a thinly veiled criticism: “Well, it’s your fault for being so thin-skinned or weak in character anyways.”

Life together is so messy. In any kind of community (families, churches, friends, workplaces) we constantly run the risk of stepping on each other’s toes, whether consciously done or not. Jokes gone wrong, careless words, thoughtless actions: We hurt the people we love, we mess up all the time. While we don’t want to become a groveling heap, learning to apologize sincerely is crucial if we hope to create, build and sustain genuine community.

I appreciate John Ortberg’s idea on forgiveness from Everybody’s Normal Till You Get To Know Them: “Forgiveness begins when we give up the quest to get even.” This is an enormous sticking point for most people; accomplishing it would be nothing short of life-changing. As my wife recently heard from a speaker at her MOPS group, when we choose not to forgive someone else it’s like drinking poison and wishing that they would die. However, I find myself often content to forgive and forget… that you ever existed at all. But the story of the Gospel is one of reconciliation, not avoidance passed off as forgiveness. If we are to live as God’s people, we must learn to forgive and how to ask for forgiveness.

We live in a culture of non-apologies — it’s all damage control and spin. While that might play well to focus groups, it does little for actual relationships. Instead, may we choose the hard path of humility, sincerity and responsibility.

Categories church, communication, community, faith, family, health, ministry, reconciliation

Not With This Car

December 6, 2007 //

Today, our car battery died. More specifically, it died on three separate occasions — all within the course of an hour. The first time it went down for the count was, fortunately (or so I thought), at a gas station. We had just filled up our tank and were preparing to leave when the car wouldn’t start. It was the middle of the afternoon and there were plenty of people around so, even though we didn’t have jumper cables, I thought we’d be recharged and ready to leave in no time. Apparently, I was wrong.

First, I approached the employees and asked if they had jumper cables. They informed me that they did not, which seemed strange to me, but I figured there were plenty of other people there so it wouldn’t be a problem. After being told by three or four people that, sorry, they didn’t have cables I ran across the way to the drug store to pick up a set of cables. Now that we have our own cables, I thought, things would be much easier. Wrong again.

I ran back and started asking people for help: Sorry to bother you, but we’re stranded here at the gas station. Our car is right over there and I have these cables in my hand. Could you give us a jump? About four or five people said no (and a couple of others got into their cars and left as quickly as they could when they saw me walking around the gas station) when I approached a man in a Mercedes. When I asked for help, instead of replying with a simple “no” he scoffed and said, “Not with this car.” It’s not just that the effort of popping the hood and turning the key to start the engine is just too much to ask; it’s the very thought of contaminating his luxury import with my unworthy family sedan. I don’t even have my Junky Car Club sticker on my car — I guess he just has extrasensory perception about these kinds of things.

Eventually, one of the employees came out and gave me a jump. We drove off, dumbfounded. I can be pretty cynical, but that man’s hardcore condescension took me off guard. However, my faith in our fellow human beings was restored by the next person who helped us. I’ve had car batteries die before and, usually, after getting jumped and being driven for awhile things work out alright. However, after running a few errands (and leaving the car running, with someone inside, of course) the car decided to call it a day once again in a parking lot while it was still running. That, I’ve never experienced.

Dreading a repeat of the gas station incident, I went straight to the employees. I was pleasantly surprised when one employee, Elizabeth, offered to help right away. Because of the way the parking spaces were configured, our jumper cables would not reach her car. I began pushing the car out and Elizabeth started helping me push as well. She then explained to another customer who was angry that the car was blocking her way that our car battery had died and we needed a jump, and could she pull out of the parking in lot in the other direction? Once the cars were properly positioned, jumping it was a breeze. We thanked Elizabeth sincerely (I’m definitely writing a letter to her manager to let them know how helpful she was to us) and were on our way.

What a mess we all are. Even when we have good intentions, sometimes just having a bad day throws everything out the window. I think, in some providential way, God knew that I needed to both the beauty and depravity residing in all of us, and to remind me to help others in need — even if it inconveniences me a bit.

Categories boo!, communication, faith, frustration, hope