Archives for the month of: March, 2007

leave in silence

March 14, 2007 //

“why should he run the meeting in english?! we all speak korean here! he should speak korean, too!!”

i am a big believer that youth ministry is actually family ministry. there is no way a couple of hours a week at church can shape the heart of a young person. if we’re going to reach students for Christ, then we must reach their families.

and herein lies the dilemma. most of the time, i find myself completely unable to navigate first-generation korean culture. it’s not just that i cannot speak the language (although there has been perhaps a 15% improvement in comprehension over the last couple of years); the cultural gap seems to be growing larger the longer i serve in this context.

last sunday, we had a pta meeting here at church. knowing that very few people look forward to these poorly-attended meetings, the education pastors did our best to keep it short (only about 15 minutes total, between three different ministries — not bad!). we closed in prayer together with the parents and i gathered my things to leave.

it was then, about five or six feet behind me, that i heard one particular dad start ranting, loudly, to a small group of people around him about how unhappy he was. apparently, since i had made all of three announcements in english, he was about to blow a gasket. in the couple of months since we’ve been at this church, i have heard numerous comments from this particular man about how he wants things to be run and the mistakes others have made.

i really wanted to turn around and tell him to calm down. that if i could, of course i would have run my part of the meeting in korean. that there were plenty of other people here who also struggled with english, but seemed to be handling it fine. that, even if i could not communicate well with him, i am reaching his kids. but, of course, since we don’t speak each other’s language (in more ways than one) i chose not to say anything. plus, i was pretty steamed, which is not always the best way to engage a conversation with a church member.

i want to be pastoral with him. his life has been really hard — not only as an immigrant to this country, but with a family life that would make anyone bitter and frustrated. most of the time, this man is very nice, even charming, with church people. but i think he must feel the need to flex on someone. all of his disenfranchisement and disappointment with life come bubbling to the surface, and he lashes out at the youth and education ministries (on whom he must feel like he has the upper hand).

i don’t mean to bad-mouth our church. most of the people here have been very kind, and i certainly don’t expect anyone to cater to my needs. as a pastor, i’m here to serve, after all. however, i am getting worn out by this kind of attitude. it’s not like this church is unique in this. while it might only be a small percentage of people, this type of attitude has been present in almost every ministry in which i’ve served.

grow a thicker skin.
pray more.
forgive.
learn korean.
i know there’s a laundry list of things i can/should do in response to all of this. but it’s still frustrating.

Tags first generation

Categories church, frustration

why can’t i be you

March 13, 2007 //

i was playing with my three and a half year old daughter the other day. usually, she wants to read together or have a tea party. when we can, we’ll go biking or scootering. on this particular day, though, she wanted to pretend to play music together.

she took out a little pink inflatable guitar (that my wife picked up as a freebie at a seminar at the national children’s pastor’s conference) and started strumming. my daughter has always loved music, especially the rock. when she was around a year old, she would demand we listen to “vertigo” by u2 over and over again during our long ride from home to church.

all of a sudden, though, she began smashing the guitar — pete townshend-style. a bit taken aback, i asked her what she was doing. she said she was just doing what daddy did before. now i was confused. when had i smashed a guitar in front of her (or ever)? had i knocked something over in frustration? did i totally screw up?

i was relived when she clarified what she meant. she explained to her confused father that she was talking about “that guitar game” where, upon successfully completing a song, the virtual guitarist on screen would proceed to demolish his or her guitar, with glee. the game to which she was referring is, of course, guitar hero.

everyday i realize how quickly kids pick up on the things they see. from muttering insults at the car who just cut me off to the kinds of things i think are funny, i am setting an example at all times. in this enormous responsibility and calling, all i can do is rely on the grace of God to continue to mold & shape my heart, and to guide and lead my family as well.

i wish i had photos of her smashing that guitar, though!

Categories family

there’s no other way

March 2, 2007 //

all of the recent commotion about some racially offensive skits published in a zondervan/youth specialties book has caused me to spend some time this week seriously considering issues of race, power and faith, and how they are interconnected. no solid conclusions yet; i’m still kicking around ideas in my head. helpful in my thought process these days have been some words that brian mclaren and rob bell have both shared about turning the other cheek. from the secret message of jesus:

Conventional morality argues for appropriate revenge (an eye for an eye), but Jesus calls for something beyond revenge entirely: reconciliation. These are the words that so inspired Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., Desmond Tutu, Nelson Mandela, the people of post-genocide Rwanda, and so many others. These words introduced radical new ways of responding to injustice: nonviolent resistance, conflict transformation, and active peace-making. Think of it like this:

If someone strikes you on the right cheek, they have given you a backhand slap – the kind of thing a person in power (like a Roman soldier) does to a person he considers inferior (like a Jew). You could strike back, but that would reduce you to the same violent level as your oppressor. Or you could simply skulk away in humiliation, but that would mean letting the oppressor win. The kingdom manifesto invites you to pursue a third alternative: courageously turn the other cheek. Think of it: now to strike you on the left cheek, your presumably right-handed oppressor must treat you not as an inferior person but as a peer by hitting you with his fist, not his backhand. You have shown yourself to be not violent or weak but rather courageous and dignified and strong. You have shown your oppressor for the violent person he is. You have thus transcended oppression without violence or revenge.

this has been driving me nuts ever since i read it. this third-way alternative response to violence and oppression prescribed by Jesus for His followers is, of course, the best way. however, as transcendent and creative as it is, i still struggle with it. despite my hothead tendencies, i don’t think i struggle with this third way because i want to be a violent person or dwell in anger. the frustrating part is that choosing this way does not feel particularly satisfying. more frustrating still is that very idea that i am not yet the kind of person who feels satisfied by obeying Jesus’ commands and following His lead, in these types of cases. slowly, hopefully i will be changed.

i know Jesus is not blaming the victim here — it is not the fault of the oppressed that they have been mistreated. their response, however, is up to them. clearly, Jesus embodied this third way beyond the ability or imagination of anyone of us — the Lamb of God, humbly living among us and giving His life away freely, even in the face of corruption, deceit and injustice.

it’s a strange kind of double burden: to be wronged, and then to respond rightly despite being wronged (regardless of how the other party chooses to live). i don’t know how this plays out differently at an individual versus corporate level (or if it does at all), but i do know this is an impossibly high calling. i am convinced that only Christ in us can compel us to move forward in any meaningful sense.

Categories reconciliation